am-i-darren

when u are down, u tend to think alot.

summary of my downness

(cough+sore throat+flu+fever)+failed test+missing my family and friends= =(

had a sleepless night last night. slept around 1130pm after coming back from New Zealand vs Malaysia soccer match. the game ended 2 - 1.

130am: go toilet.

215am: call from mom. i was so happy. mom even asked if i want to come back for a short hols.

4/5 am: go toilet. took panadol as i was burning again.

8am: decided not to sleep anymore cause I can’t get any sleep anyway.

the pills i have taken the past 3 days.

Sometimes I think to myself why and what am I still doing in NZ. All my friends and family is back home and I am still here. Friends are all asking me to come back. My mom asked me whether I want to come back soon yesterday for a holiday and I was so tempted in doing so. Because there is a MAS fair and soon a Matta Fair. But if I do go back, should I return to look for a job and stay on until my visa expires?

To me my main priority now is to attend my graduation, find a good full time job and gain experience. Earn my own money and not burden my mom anymore. My other plan is to enjoy life as well. Go travelling down South in June or July. Being here on my own does make me feel free and in control of my life. I don’t mean I don’t have that same priviledges back home. But when you are home, you are in your comfort zone. You can fall back on your family and friends at any time. But when you are here it is slightly different. There is still friends that you can fall back and count on. When you’re out of your comfort zone, you learn to survive and adapt. Which is like what I am trying to do. Look for a job, earn money and survive. But sometimes I wonder whether I am wasting my time here. There isn’t really anything for me here that is worth staying for anyway.

But I guess it is just another phase of life. Choices and decisions. I am thankful that my family and friends have given me this opportunity. It makes me grow and become stronger. Or maybe I am just thinking too much because I am sick and have no one to pamper me now. Understand abit lar…I am the last in my family so I get all the pampering and freedom. Still a big baby, I guess?

My passport will be courier back to me tomorrow morning from the immigration office. Wouldn’t it be ironic if my 6 months visa is not approved? Everything I have just said would not even matter. lol. that would be cruel, but it is just life. =) 

thank you kim n yen ling for cheering me up! kim u’re always the best!

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 25th, 2006 at 2:14 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.